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sophstar
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Name: sophia
Country: New Zealand
Metro: Rivendell
Birthday: 11/15/1987
Interests: God, lord of the rings, poetry, sleeping, eating (watermelon), swimming, dancing, singing, acting, and hanging with my friends
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
3/5/2002
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| i really feel like edward norton in fight club when he goes to the self-help centers. technically he's a fake cause he doesn't really have a problem or issue, like testicular cancer, or something. but he's there because he needs support and that's what these centers provide? but so what? will attending these sessions improve the directionless mutability of his life? or does it just give him comfort in the entrapped life he lives in already. is it just another form of escape that doesn't really solve the problem?- but holds off everything so you can continue living a life powered by the man. indeed it was... which led to tyler durden. i know we all have a tyler durden hidden ourselves, but never will he reign because we deeply fear of letting go to everything we've worked for ourselves up until now... i mean all the accomplishments, degrees, shaking hands with people, pats on the back... and the closer we got to our dreams, the more we realized it was just an illusion. all the stupid decisions we made "for our future lives." what the hell are we working for? i don't know. but maybe my strange alter ego does. and yes she has a name.
but until then, it's back to the mundane existence of medical school, being a goodie girl with a big painted smile on my face. yea, i'm a fake that assigned myself to this path. i worked so hard for this and now i'll be that lifeless doll that i wanted to be for such a long time. at least for now... for now, i'll hide myself at self-help centers, thank you very much. they will support my fat ass and fat burdens. and they'll give me the illusion that everything i'm doing right now is ok. keeps me going, you know? on track. yea. keeps me sane. and everything's okay.
really.
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| God told me to hold on and just be a little bit stronger. And so I will.
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| this is addressed to a person that doesn't exist anymore
upon seeing you the other day, i saw somebody that i did not recognize anymore. it had nothing to do with your actual physical appearance, but rather the atmosphere of change i smelled in your presence. no longer were you the boy i knew years ago, where confidence always lead your heart and you feared nothing. i suppose your face perhaps is exactly the way i remembered it, except there are lines of cares that i've never seen before. they are lines that belong to men and not worries that ever found a place in your carefree youth. your voice was exactly the same, except a bit more shaken. a voice that belonged to a boy, or a wise man with years of wisdom behind his back. you were the same exact person before me, yet a different person at the same time. you were changed. and it was most imminent in your eyes. the same brown eyes i always knew and wanted to know better, but for some reason, they were most transparent that day. i didn't know what to expect in our meeting, but one thing's certain. you've grown into somebody i didn't know anymore. somebody more tolerant and understanding. it's hard to believe we were best friends back then, and yet, it's stranger now to think you'd be a better friend for me today.
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| "to forget the pain of the past, just just numb it with liquid nitrogen. i've done it before to myself many times, and though i've ended up hurting myself more than ending things, i think i finally got it this time and certain chambers of my heart are closed forever. there's nothing like training your heart to feel a certain way, and even worse training it to not feel a certain way.
i'd rather feel nothing than sentiment today."
it's strange how the people who you want to read this will never see this.
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How many times do i have to try to tell you
That i'm sorry for the things i've done
But when i start to try to tell you
That's when you have to tell me
Hey...this kind of trouble's only just begun
I tell myself too many times
Why don't you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut
That's why it hurts so bad to hear the words
That keep on falling from your mouth
Falling from your mouth
Falling from your mouth
Tell me...
Why?
Why.
I may be mad
I may be blind
I may be viciously unkind
But i can still read what you're thinking
And i've heard it said too many times
That you'd be better off
Besides...
Why can't you see this boat is sinking
Let's go down to the water's edge
And we can cast away those doubts
Some things are better left unsaid
But they still turn me inside out
Turning inside out
Turning inside out...
Tell me...
Why?
Tell me....
This is the book i never read
These are the words i never said
This is the path i'll never tread
These are the dreams i'll dream instead
This is the joy that's seldom spread
These are the tears...
The tears we shed
This is the fear
This is the dread
These are the contents of my head
And these are the years that we have spent
And this is what they represent
And this is how i feel
Do you know how i feel?
'cause i don't think you know how i feel
I don't think you know what i feel
I don't think you know what i feel
You don't know what i feel | | |
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ttp://www.some-dreams.com/digital/rossetti1068.jpg
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